Thursday, September 29, 2005

An open letter to PBS

Dear PBS,

How are you? I am fine. Thank you for airing Teletubbies weekday mornings. My daughter loves them. Kiyou is a timid little kid, and I hate him. Also, the new Sesame Street has too much Grover and Elmo. I know you like Elmo, and since we've been friends for a long time, PBS, I won't try and stop your obsession with a shrill-voiced puppet who craps hundred-dollar bills. You're too attached to that revenue stream. Fine, knock yourself out on Elmo. That's not what I want to discuss with you.

PBS, I know we don't talk much, and you find most of my interests too boring. Usually, I am at my computer or playing boardgames. We used to be friends, back in the day. I know it was one-sided, but old buddy, let's do something we haven't done in a long time: let's watch Dr. Who together. C'mon, PBS. What do you say?

Back in the day, I could turn on the television a couple of nights a week and groove on classic Dr. Who episodes. Tom Baker, any of them, let's travel through time in a wacky British way. I know, I'm immature, but the Antiques Roadshow bores/frustrates/angers the hell out of me. It's practically free to make, sure, and people who collect things probably can barely breathe from the sheer joy of seeing antiques valued by an expert. I'm all for pleasing Cat Ladies with a hundred-thousand cubic feet of Hummel figurines with signed authenticity statements. PBS, I am not one of those people. I'm an enthusiast, not a collector. Also, I don't own any cats and I'm not a woman, but you know what I mean, PBS? Why are you boring during prime time? Why must you suck?

I'll make you a deal, PBS. For each night of the week that I can finish watching an episode of Dr. Who before midnight, I'll send you $25. Heck, if you can make it so I can watch the new 2005 Dr. Who series in prime time, I'll send you an extra $25 for those nights. If it makes you feel better, send me a tote bag or something.

The new Dr. Who 2005 series is great, and it's everything I ever hoped it would be, except on normal network television. PBS, get your head together. No one needs more Antiques Roadshow, not even Cat Ladies. We need Dr. Who, and plenty of it.

Your old buddy,

Todd in Houston


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